our minds are bastards sometimes

They throw us into panic mode at the first sign of discomfort.
They activate our "fight or flight" response when we DON'T need to fight. Or fly. 
but that would be cool.

They tell us we are "stuck".
...we are "helpless".
...we are "unworthy".
...we are "never going to be ok".

Some days our minds are binoculars, enhancing our failures, and somehow simultaneously blocking out any light trying to break through.
Some days, our minds feel stronger than the Light.

This week has been like that for me.
I posted a picture on Instagram, reminding people that it's ok to ask for help sometimes.


I called my people. I wrote in my journal. Mostly incomplete sentences and random words, but it made sense to me. 
I made an appointment with a therapist.
And I got on my yoga mat.

I mostly just sat there. My movement was slow and minimal. My breath was shallow, and everything between my body and heart felt like a dull pain. 

What I realized is this: it's not the yoga that fixes you, it's the surrender.
It's the letting to. 
It's the "Shit is rough right now, and I don't see the way out, but I know it's there somewhere."
It's the "I just need to come clean about what's bugging me..."
...and the "I understand. I'm here for you" on the other end.
And it's days like today, where I decided I'm not going into work. I've got other "work" to take care of, and that comes first.

I hope you know, I got your back. <3